This week I was being prayed for and then someone spoke out a “word of knowledge“, now I know it was one because the person who voiced it doesn’t know me that well! They said “I feel that God is giving me the phrase “self-loathing” does that mean anything?

I stood there and thought “actually yeah it does!“, like a lot of people, I am my own worst critic! For some reason I have just taken on board things that I don’t like about myself and constantly put myself down! The odd thing is that I am like a schizophrenic, I have 3 parts to me, this is how I see myself:-

  • Phil (Body is British)- weak willed, shy, low self confidence, thinks of himself like a “peter pan” (Childlike Jeremiah 1:4-10 and Pauls letters to Timothy mean a lot to him!), gets tongue-tied easily!
  • Andile (Heart is African)-.spirit filled, reliant on god, funny, surprising, doesn’t struggle to speak!
  • PJ (Head is in space, Cyberspace ;)! )- Thinker, god-inspired, writes a lot!

As soon as I agreed that the word was relevant, another image was given of a mirror, “as you look into it, Jesus is looking back, as he is in you!”  As I have mulled over this, it has made me question, if Jesus is in me, am I behaving as such, are my attitudes Christ-like? It is not only NOT doing certain things, consciously thinking “Jesus IS in me, so what would he think about me doing… or thinking…” That is a challenging thought in itself, but it is also positively thinking “Ok Jesus is in me, he created me and “saw that it was good” so I should think of myself as such!” We are:-

  • Part of the “bride of Christ”
  • Created perfectly and designed before the world even began!
  • Loved as a child- We can call him “Daddy!” and his comfort is infinity times better than hugs we can have with our children or parents!
  • A royal priesthood!
  • Salt and Light!- He has put us here to “purify & flavour” and “shine in the darkness”, so its no good if we stay in the saltshaker or “hide under a bowl”
  • Sons and heirs- Jesus is seated at God’s right hand, althought we are to serve God, we also are called to be royalty and be robed in pure white!

There is a story of two men who wanted to follow Jesus in Luke 9:57-62, Jesus says “Alright then, come on!” so one man says “hang on! I need to bury my dad, then I will” and the other said “I need to finish off a few things and then I will!“. I cannot imagine replying to Jesus “Yes, I just need to finish this washing up and hang out the washing then I am all yours!” But we do! You may think Jesus was a bit cavalier or rude saying “leave someone else to bury him! Go and spread the good news!” However, the point Jesus was making was both of the men were procrastinating in regards to what needed to be done! The first man would have been spending time mourning his father, whilst those who are still alive and needed to hear the gospel would not have been spoken to, as he would have remained at home and not be following Jesus. The other who was looking back, which is never a good thing, needed to leave the past in the past and move on with Jesus.

This morning I suddenly thought about the movie Bruce Almighty, he was constantly looking back and going “It’s unfair!” “God, you are like a mean kid with a magnifying glass!” so God said “Ok have my powers! See if you can do better!” After a few days, Bruce is freaking out because he has not been answering anyone else’s prayers and his head is getting full of people talking to him! When told why he keeps hearing voices and asked why he wasn’t answering them, Bruce replies “I wanted to right a few wrongs in my own life first!”  Wouldn’t we do the same?  God knows what he is doing even if we don’t!

If we look back and constantly think negatively or allow ourselves to get annoyed or upset by past hurts or disappointments then thats what we will continue to feel! We “reap what we sow“, when unwanted things take root in our lives and we subconsciously let them grow within us, then at some point they will produce a “harvest of discontent“.

There is a range of Christian garments and accessories emblazoned with the letters WWJD, if you are not already aware, it stands for “What Would Jesus Do?” Jesus did deal with:-

  • Friends who acted stupidly
  • People who doubted him
  • A feeling of “Is this really what you want for me to do?”
  • Parents
  • Unjust treatment
  • People constantly demanding his time and draining his energy!
  • A real test of his knowledge of the bible, from Satan himself!

There is a song by Carman called “Slam” which has a very interesting video! The lyrics are below

You said that I would stumble
You said I wouldn’t last
But you was wrong
You said that I would crumble
From all that’s in my past
But you was wrong

You tried to break, tried to shake me
Tried to take me with your lies
You tried to drop me, tried to stop me
Tried to chop me down to size
You tried to crush me, tried to hush me
Tried to rush me and attack
But Jesus Christ is in my life
And now I’m comin’ back ’cause I can

Slam temptation with the Word
I can slam each lie that I have heard
I can slam the devil on his back
The rod of God will stop the attack
In my mind there is no fear
In my mind there is no doubt
Yes I am that Christian that hell warned you about
Not only can I dance, not only can I shout
But I can slam!

You told me it was useless
That I would never change
But you was wrong
You told me it was hopeless
That I never would get saved
But you was wrong

You tried to drug me, tried to slug me
Tried to plug me up with guilt
You tried to shoot me, tried to loot me
Tried to boot my mind on tilt
You tried to kill me, tried to still me
Tried to bill me for my sin
But the blood has washed me clean
Since I’ve been born again I sure can

I love this song and wonder how great it would be to be able to truly say “I am the one hell warned you about!“, as humans we are fallible and prone to doubt but if Jesus is in us surely we should be able to be that powerful?