In the last fortnight, I have gone through a big change, our church is currently working through a program of resources called “Freedom in Christ“, although i have not been able to look at and discuss each stage/chapter, I was discussing one of the stages with my wife. She has mentioned quite a few times that I didn’t seem to have passion about anything, I appear to have been in a kind of “non-medicated anti-depressive state“, not really excitable but not overly sad either!
We then discussed about the topic of forgiveness along with why I have such low self-confidence in what I do, it dawned on me that I can pin point 4 separate occasions where my confidence was knocked, I realised that i needed to forgive those people who intentionally or unintentionally affected me and made me struggle. One of those people was aware that they did not do the right thing, and had asked for forgiveness for it. I thought I had dealt with all four incidents in my head, but there was still hurt in my heart and it was a big block in front of me that I knew I had to ask God to help me remove!
The following day, I asked for prayer, I knew i had to ask this person to pray with me, symbolically, physically and spiritually; I needed them to pray for me and unleash my confidence once more. During this time of prayer, they affirmed my calling, they spoke over me that I was made for more than just teaching the young people in a side room. I walked away from church, more confident and empowered. But something still wasn’t right so last sunday, i went up for prayer again, this followed a sermon someone gave on “leaving your old self behind and moving forward”
I realised that although I had removed one stumbling block, I was still allowing thoughts of the past, my own mistakes and regrets hold me back, this time I was prayed for by the one person who prayed and prophesied over me after I was baptised (about 16 Years ago this week) once again, he affirmed that I was a “strong man of God, blessed by God, given knowledge and wisdom.”
One the things that was said to me was about “being bold and being strong“, apart from being a classic worship song from my childhood it is from Deuteronomy 31:6 both Moses and Joshua were told to be bold and confident in what was about to happen, when I heard this I became aware that it had a lot of meaning and challenges
- God goes before us, so we don’t need to be afraid or cautious unless it truly is dangerous!
- God is with us, our Emmanuel, so we need to be conscious of what we say and do, what would he say if you could physically see him standing beside you as you do things, would you still do them?
- God is cheering you on, you can have confidence because he believes in you, he is not like a cheerleader trying to boost the confidence of the player, he is on the pitch with you, saying “well done!” “try doing that!”
- God is with us and walking ahead of us, so we know that whatever door opens is the one where he has prepared the next thing for us to do, if it doesn’t open then he ain’t there!
- God “hasn’t given us a spirit of timidity but one of love, power and self-control” so don’t be afraid he is watching over you as the father God, beside you as Jesus the son and within you as the holy Spirit! We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us but do what God desires, and if you don’t know what that is, read your bible (his letters to you) and spend time in prayer (talking and listening to him)!